thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
