So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
