Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
