You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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