So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
