??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
