her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
