I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
