Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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