Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
