I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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