some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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