Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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