We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
