Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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