His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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