Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
