Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
