Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
