We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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