the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
