she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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