i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
