I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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