If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
