I can text with my tongue
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
