God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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