i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
