he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
