i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
