Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
