listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
