I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
