i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
