I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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