Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
