fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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