What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
