There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
