In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
