On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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