i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
