Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
