There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
