the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
