I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
