isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
