dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
