You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
