Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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