Just fell off a train. Bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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