Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
