I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize