he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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