My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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