I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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