I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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