I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
