Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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