i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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