i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
