if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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