good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
