I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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