This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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