what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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