Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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