remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
