I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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