Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
