The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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