Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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