What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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