the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
