Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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