i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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