My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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