that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
