READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
